Friday, December 23, 2005

My Merry Fucking Chirstmas Post

Yesterday I went Christmas shopping at the mall. To put in bluntly it sucked ass. People suck and I hate them all, they are rude and inconsiderate and I am sure the baby Jesus would not be happy with them. People have no respect while I on the other hand am polite and curtiouse. I say thank you and please as well as hold door's open. I am a rather nice guy. Here is how my fucking (note the sarcasim) day of shopping went

1.MrsV talks me into taking a family portrait. So we all get dressed up and head to the strip mall. I suddenly realize why I hate the mall and remember it was this time last year when I last went. We are running a bit late so I drop off the lovely MrsV and my spoiled Demon Child of a daughter at the entrance and tell them "to go sign in with the photographer I will meet you after I find a parking place." After wondering around the lot for what seemed like an eternity I finally see a little car backing out of a "compact space" so I wait paitently for her to back out so I can somehow squeeze my gas guzzling SUV in the space. Suddenly out from no where a little old lady in a Toyota comes form the opposite direction and whips in the space just as I was putting it in gear. I had my signal on and it was plainly obvious she knew what I was doing. So I jump out of my SUV and and pull the old lady from her car and shout in her face "YOU FUCKING CUNT THAT WAS MY SPACE" I then ripped off her glasses and threw them to the ground and stepped on them and screamed "THEY DID NOT WORK ANY WAY OR YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN ME YOU DUM BITCH" I then kicked her windsheid in for good mesure.

2. I am buying ONE item at the market. I stand in a line. The woman in front of me has a big basket full of items, whereas I only have ONE item. She looks at me holding the ONE FUCKING ITEM but does not ask if I would like to go ahead of her. It took precisely 4 minutes 23 seconds to serve this woman. It took less than 10 seconds to serve me. Why did she not show me a little bit more courtesy...because she is a BITCH and has horrible parents who did not raise her correctly.

3. I go into a shop, it has a dedicated lottery register. The people who want to buy lottery tickets go to that register. I am standing in a line and infront of me is a man who is holding lottery slips and when he is served he hands over the lottery slips and asks for the lottery tickets. Meanwhile I am standing behind him, waiting.... SO I SHOUT INTO HIS EAR.."GET INTO THE DEDICATED LOTTERY LINE YOU FUCKING ASS MUNCHING DICKHEAD!!!!".

4. I purchase an item in a shop which has a gift wrapping section. So I take my gift and join the line, it isn't a long line, no more than 3 people in front of me. So I wait. The man at the front of the line is now being served, he has a remote control car and asks for the gift wrapping people to make sure it works before they wrap it. They unpack the remote control car and start hunting around for batteries to power the car and then they have to read the instructions so they can be sure it works. When they have completed their tests they then have great difficulty getting the remote control car back into its original packaging. Meanwhile the line is getting longer and longer, and time is ticking by rather slowly. Ten minutes passes and I get fucking pissed off with this fucking guy so I get out of the line and approach him, I pick up the remote control car and throw it violently against a wall. I then say "I GUESS IT'S BROKEN!!! GO AND GET FUCKED AND HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS ".

5. I go into a clothes shop and pick out a few nice blouses for the wife, I join the line that kind of looks very loose and informal, where exatly does the line start??? Well anyway, about ten seconds goes by and then the register operator shouts at me "HELLO???????" in a very impolite tone. I take my blouses to her and she looks at me as if I am from another planet and then laughs with her colleague. While she serves me she is talking with another customer, but totally ignoring me, even though she is serving me. Then she throws a pen down on the checkout and flicks a receipt at me - she then grunts at me. I sign the receipt and she then starts talking to the other customer again. . I was rather pissed off with this register operator so I bitch slapped her and laughed, then to get my point across I poked her in the eye. She deserved it.

6. As I walk into a shop I have a door close in my face, the person in front of me couldn't be bothered waiting for a brief moment to keep the door open, he just let if fly back in my face. That MOTHER FUCKER really got it, I shouted at the asshole "YOU MOTHER FUCKER" and charged at him knocking him down onto the floor. I then started jumping up and down on his shopping bags and then I kicked him hard in the face. I then shouted "WHEN YOU OPEN A DOOR YOU WILL KEEP IT OPEN FOR THE PERSON BEHIND YOU".

Have a merry Christmas and fuck you all
Posted by MrV :: 8:21 AM :: | ---------------oOo---------------